My Everchanging Plot of Life

fall asleep this afternoon!

Which is why I'm still up filling in forms and contemplating accounts.

However, mindful of this morning's experience of the perils of not dotting "i's" and crossing "t's", and the completely different meaning a written instruction has when the first word is "Lick" and not "Tick" as intended, I am about to cease such activity, and cast my eye across everything for accuracy in the morning. I may still be wide awake, but I can't guarantee my brain is still functional.

I also didn't meant to cause confusing at choir practice by announcing it was Pentecost this coming Sunday. I was so busy explaining, for the umpteenth time, to a group of people who have been going to this church since before I was born (!!) that Corpus Christi is always the Thursday after Trinity Sunday, the little matter of where Pentecost fell seemed to be of lesser importance. I knew I should have gone to the alternative possible activity for tonight and missed choir practice!

We've got an Honoured Guest all weekend... this is possibly why there is frenetic housework going on that's not being done by me. I'm not going to join in the game, though. I already do more than my share, even allowing for corrected assumptions in this matter.

I am in Honoured Guest's very good books at the moment for numerous reasons, (volunteering to do things I'm not keen on doing, and going places I'd really rather not, completing a piece of work for a project that I thought I'd seen the back of, and that I thought it incredibly tactless to ask me to contribute to the new version, that's taken two years to get off the ground, finding that which was lost,) and it would be good to stay that way, because I so often am not.

Tomorrow is going to be a strange day...

It's been an interesting day, today.

It's amazing how many assumptions I can make about who knows what about me. I've had to start at least three conversations all over again, because I assumed the people I was talking to had more of the basic knowledge of how I am who I am.

I'm happier about the whole housework thing, there is a better distribution of labour going on that I'd realised, though it's still not good but numerous assumptions had been made that needed correcting on both sides.

Several situations have shifted significantly and I'm feeling a lot better about a whole heap of things, or at least feel I've got more energy to cope with the on-going difficult ones.

because they are usually full of all the jobs I currently hate most.

On their own, and in the right circumstances, I don't really hate any of the jobs.

I quite like a good cleaning session - but I hate the day to day housework when it's still assumed it's "my" job, yes, I know, I need to have the conversation!.

I used to like cooking, but when it leaves me paranoid I'm leaving the kitchen in a mess when I know perfectly well I'm not, I've got to hate it.

I don't mind admin and filing, but I hate the feeling it doesn't matter how I do it, I'll be wrong.

I've never particularly liked answering the phone, because I can so often sound crosser than I really am! Today, it went non-stop.

Anyway, it's all over with for another week, and I even managed to get the laundry up to date and my room cleaned as well!!

The next few days are more interesting.

My computer is sounding ever so much happier now I've cleaned it's fans!

What astounded me when I thought about the four years or so I've had the computer, it must be a combination of Glaswegian, Dundonion, West and East Midlander dirt and stour in it. Have I really moved that often since 2003?

I've been very brave and cleaned inside my computer tower... it was not pleasant; I couldn't quite believe how much dirt and stour had accumulated over four and a half years.

It sounds ever so much happier now.

Maybe it'll stop doing the spontaneous shut down thing now I've done all kinds of soft and hardware housewifery on it all.

Failing that, it's off to the doctors.

Updating the folder that I thought I had left on a train and therefore gone North without my consent or company. Nothing’s allowed to go North unless it’s taking me with it!! And then handing it over to the next lot of people who need it.

The renewed search for jeans and possibly new T-shirts.

The re-introduction of those of my routines that had gone completely to pot over the last couple of months or so, what with One Thing or Another.

Hoovering.

Filling in a lot of forms and doing a lot of admin.

Spending some book tokens.

Furniture moving. (No, not my room again… I like as it is now.)

Pondering some important new ideas.

Anything I've forgotten?

After a whirlwind shopping trip, and some frantic cooking (our oven's not seen so much action for weeks now,) I hereby declare this afternoon's coffee and cake party Open!

To your right is a variety of cakes, and flapjacks, and other such cake-time delicacies.

To your left are the bowls for licking out - sponge cake mixture, icing, (ordinary and butter...)

And in the kitchen the drinks await.
Cups and mugs of all shapes and sizes.
Coffee of varying strengths and varieties.
Tea like-wise (I'm not very good at tea, being a non-tea drinker, but I do a variety for my guests.)

Ask for anything else, I may well have it.

I'm now having a gentle sit-down to await my guests and with a large mug of coffee and large slice of coffee cake.

Plenty of room and lots of comfy chairs.

to a Cake Making, Bowl Licking, Cake Eating afternoon Chez Lostplot.

From around 2 p.m. onwards, for as long as there are cakes to be made, bowls to be licked out, and cakes to be eaten.

There are offers of Lemon Drizzle Cake and Coffee Cake already...

A Saturday at home.

I've not had a one of those for about five weeks now.

No wonder I can't quite decide what to do with the day, after I've been to the church fair and shopping.

Maybe I should clean my room....

Or maybe not....

You've been one of my best blogfriends and I'll miss you lots!!

Be thinking of you...

And if you come back in another guise, be sure to let me know, please!!!

I seem to have a whole day, with only one small commitment in it, a most pleasurable one at that, and I can do what I like without fear I should be doing something else instead.

Things have been out of kilter for some time now, and some gentle catching up with myself seems to be the order of the day!

So, what do I do that’s gentle? I’ve been playing through the full score of “Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat” for a little light entertainment… as well singing along to see how much I remembered (no, I can’t remember all the colours in the right order, but I think I’ve got the Brothers sorted…there’s something very Freudian there, but I’m not going to think about it.) and which bits I’m going to need to practice a bit more. Oh dear, why did I ever admit I’ve played it before and would only need to brush up on it….

I’m back upstairs now listening to a lovely CD I was given of JS Bach’s Cello Suites, which is much more calming!

I am not best pleased, however it's not been an entirely wasted afternoon, even if I did not do that which I intended to do.

I got to explore a local town I wouldn't have otherwise gone to, and had a very nice coffee and cake in a proper coffee shop. Which I wouldn't have done or had time for otherwise. I'll go back another time, I think.

I listened to the staff of the place I'd gone to visit which allowed them to let off steam about the person I'd gone to visit, who refused to see me when I got there, because I'd not confirmed the arrangement... the fact I'd been trying on and off since last night, in between all the commitments I had between 6.30 last night and lunchtime today, and got the engaged signal every time, was irrelevant to this particular spectacularly self-centred soul, but was my "broken record" firm response to the barrage of accusations of my inconsiderateness...

It also gave me enough evidence to back up all I'd thought from phone conversations of interminable length, and clues as to how to proceed.

I don't half get them.

In between the oddnesses, it's been good to get back to my normal routines a bit more this week, and feel I'm doing what I'm here for!!

I have also sorted out the electric and gas people, who are all being OTT nice to me!

Time for my other cake, I think. I was given a most yummy cake in honour of yesterday's occasion, a traditional cake eating time!

Not surprising really, it's more than ten years since I last did this on a regular three/four times a week basis, and it's all a lot more strenuous than I remember.

It's all the bending and stretching, and trying to be careful not to do my back in in the process.

To say nothing of getting the timing right, and the various nuances....

Never mind, it was all in a good cause.

And - the good news of the week is that which I thought was lost for ever, nay, even destroyed by the Lost Property offices of various rail Companies, because it's over three months since I lost it... is no longer lost. Though just exactly what it was doing in my computer boxes is going to remain one of life's unsolved mysteries..

Into a computer free (for me) zone for a few days.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, and I know once I’m in the swing of things when I get there, I’ll be OK.. but I’d not realised how much my confidence has taken a real knock over matters of food and cooking in the last few months until I really started considering the next few days major task. I’m going to be cooking for 24 or so for the next few days.

I’m a bit out of practice, as I’ve not done large scale catering for a while and I know the kitchen has changed since I last used it. But, it never used to panic me like I’ve been doing all day today.

I used to really enjoy cooking, but where I currently live it’s such a strain, knowing I only cook about three dishes that will be eaten without faces being pulled, or patronising comments being made.

I know all the nit-pickers and tram-lined thinkers have all been instructed to be kind to me!! I won’t get all the current nuances in only three days, I won’t retain all the information they will think I need and I may well revert to older routines unintentionally.

I also know there are others who are just far more grateful for the help.

But – I’m also aware the stresses of the last few weeks are catching up on me, and what I really do not want to happen is for them to explode in the wrong way, in the wrong place!! I’ve already been taking myself out of circulation here, rather than be rude to yet one more person. I really do have no patience at all currently.

Oh well, I’ll see you all when I get back…

This is a fact that there is no escaping.

But occasionally, just occasionally, I wish I were not.

brain is beginning to engage a bit more today. Especially in the Opening My Mouth department, and the Comment Typing department.

I've had a week or more of saying the wrong thing, at the wrong time and to the wrong person.

I've also had a week or more of writing things that now I've re-read them sound harsher or nastier than I ever intended. I'm sorry....

I now have a pile of e-mails to answer that I've been avoiding doing because I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind to do them. But it's hard to explain to someone who fits five times more in a day than most people, and who is a prolific e-mail correspondent, just why I've been unable to make myself answer what to her is a simple e-mail, and to me is full of loaded questions than I need to consider very, very carefully before replying.

Luckily, I have a day of facts and figures ahead of me, and I can't go far wrong there... well, I can, but it's less likely!

Done enough housework.

Done enough laundry.

Done enough catching up with stuff.

Done enough.

So, it's time for coffee and cake.

Energy

Enthusiasm

Ability to be professional in the face of extreme adversity

Cleanliness

Godliness

Brain in gear before mouth opens

Sympathy

Encouragement

And just who thought it would be a good idea to vote me onto the PCC?!

It all went well on Friday... I didn't cry at an inopportune moment, though it was touch and go. The playing and accompanying were all good. I think it all come under the definition of "done properly".

I did drive carefully, and I did do all the driving.

I'm exhausted, but glad I did the extremely sensible thing today of spending the day with my godsons and their family. It's long been a mutually beneficial relationship - and today, what I needed more than anything was some normality, some looking after - oh, and the three hours or so slobbed on the settee piled up with the boys and their younger sister just watching DVDs.

At least it wasn’t me opening mouth before engaging brain that was creating all the stress and hassle earlier in the week – I’ve now had a full explanation of what was really going on. I do so hate being at odds with my best friends. But, given all that was going on, it’s amazing it didn’t develop into a full blown row of immense proportions. Luckily, this friend and I have always had the ability get on with the task in hand and sort ourselves out later. It can be a bit unnerving for bystanders, especially when it looks as if one or the other of us is taking flak unfairly from the other, and this time, it could so nearly have gone the wrong way entirely… but it hasn’t. Phew!!

I may, after the weekend, be abandoning my knickers drawer altogether, and going for a tall, narrow cupboard instead. Which would give me a little more floor space, and a little more of the furniture creating a better divider for the room.

After a day of patient work with the accounts I’m ready for the conundrum of next years budget…..

Best go to sleep – it’s a long, long drive tomorrow, even allowing for the fact I’ll be sharing the driving (which will be a treat!) and a long, long day. The official outfit is packed, as is the music, the cans of Diet Coke and the Extra Strong mints. Oh, and the hankies.

All I need to decide in the morning is if I’m wearing my oldest and most disreputable pair of knickers in honour of the only person I knew who patched patches on her knickers, or my best ones just in case of an accident…

Life with me in it has never been simple or straight forwards for the poor souls who share my life. This is something I’ve got used to over the years. Those new to it take a little time, and those who know me well accept this is the way things are…

The last few weeks, and the last few days in particular have emphasised all of this. Balancing several equally important sudden situations has been interesting, to say the least.

Somewhere in the course of it all, though, I appear to have shifted around in various pecking orders, and I’m a bit confused. Within the family context, I’ve accepted I’ve become almost a non-member – in that I will be called on for immediate action when there is a crisis, but ignored, as usual, after the crisis has resolved. I find I no longer mind other than to be sad that is the case.

In other areas of my life there are seismic shifts going on, and it’s a case of watch this space. I hope I’m wrong about something, but I’m not holding my breath. I also seemed to have shifted from my customary role as the maverick, rebellious youngster of this outfit to a responsible, trusted adult. (You’d think they’d know better….) Here’s hoping it’s only a temporary shift. I’m so much better at maverick than responsible.

I cried this afternoon at a very thoughtful piece of communication… I was due a good cry, just not right when it happened.

Then there is the deep, deep mystery of the choir members who’ve sung in a choir all their life, and can’t read music.

And the deepest mystery of all - my spontaneously shutting it’s self down computer.

but I failed to change my knickers drawer.

There is further thought to be put into this matter!

off to change my knickers drawer!!

A million and one things and I’m not going to do any of them tonight.

I’ve spent a good portion of the day getting it completely wrong with a very good friend who I don’t usually get in this kind of tangled mess with. We’ve come to the conclusion neither of us is in a space to sort it out, and the kindest thing we can do for each other is leave it for now and sort it out after the weekend, when almost all that is currently stressing us both will be over and done with…

I’m not too bothered, as I once would have been. I’m aware when we’re both stressed, we react in very different ways, and neither of our ways is helpful to the other! I know, from past experience, that we will get things right again.

But I do wish I’d kept my mouth shut! I really didn’t mean what I said the way it sounded.

Alas, I know I have an appallingly high capacity for brain not engaging before mouth opening when I’m so tired, when I really don’t want to explain why I’m so tired (well, to this particular group of people we were with I didn’t!) and when I’m doing my level best to maintain a professional attitude and persona and not really managing it.

Tomorrow is another day, thankfully.

I may get all my clean clothes put away, and finish the accounts and tidy my room…. which looks like several whirling dervishes have been whirling dervish-ly at great speed.

Then again, I may not.

It's been necessary.

I wouldn't have missed yesterday for anything.

I am now totally wiped out.

My poor little clock.

I’ve played Fauré’s Requiem as a fitting tribute.

Alas…

And I’m going to really enjoy it.

It’s a long saga, but Monday’s humungous row, the one that involved a key throwing episode once I was back in the privacy of my own room, has now proved to have been completely unnecessary, and I was right in the first place.

So, we’re back with the original and, far more to the point, sensible plan for the next three days worth of travelling. (Hired car rather than public transport. Which, as I’ve now worked out, will definitely be cheaper than the train for the three of us involved in the trips.)

Fortunately, this smugness is tempered by the fact my alarm clock had an exciting whirl around in the washing machine this morning. It’s a neat little thing, that folds up nicely, and I forgot I’d shoved it in my pocket last night so that I could keep an eye on the time when I was doing some work.

It’s currently in the airing cupboard drying out, and we await with bated breath to see if it’s terminal.

buy new trainers instead of jeans, but they queue-jumped the priority list!!

Here I was, wandering across the park, backpack on back, to the abode where I was laying my head for the weekend, minding my own business, and not avoiding the puddles - because I like walking in puddles - when I realised I had an incredibly soggy right foot. On close inspection, I realised I had one very leaky trainer and it was terminal.

So, on Monday morning, to distract me from the hard thinking work I was going to have to do in the afternoon, I took myself off into the large shopping centre in the middle of the city.

I forgot. Buying trainers is worse than buying new jeans. Especially in shops where customers don't matter. I know I was not necessarily at my best. I know I was well trained in the art of being polite to a customer who I was asking to wait for a moment or two for the right person to come and serve them, and have high standards in this matter. But to get a surly reply of "It's not my fault I'm working in two sections of the shop this morning, and I only kept you waiting two minutes (it was almost ten...) and being made to feel I was at fault every time I asked if the other person was ever going to come and help. All I wanted to do was try on the trainers and decide if I was going to buy them or not. I complained to the manager, and left.

I succeeded in finding helpful people in the third shop.. and now have delightfully comfortable leak-free trainers.

I was too exhausted after that to do anything other than go for coffee and cake, and have postponed the jeans shopping for another week.